Sunday, May 11, 2008

cold hands of winter grasp....

New camera!, originally uploaded by laurensmashtoys.

as i gasp for breath, is this my last?
no thoughts of dying, no more self loathing for today
so deck the halls with drunken folly
swallow resolutions, line our stomachs with illusions

Hi, I'm still around, just going through some pretty ugly things right now. Brought on by good old me. Feeling pretty much awful and worthless. Awesome.

I need to get my shit together for sure. I haven't sewn in a long time, it is making me feel awful. I am going to try to tonight and see what comes out of it. I am feeling like I am slipping back into my old routine from when I lived in Ohio before. I'm doing things and hurting people that I care about and making myself look pretty silly. Methinks its time for a second job and some alone time. I am going to try to get as much time to myself as I can in this upcoming week. Well, alone with me and my sewing machine, and my sketchbook, and my brand new clay and paint. I need to refocus. Spring time is a time for new beginnings, and hopefully the kick in the ass I need to get me out of my bad feelings.

I did get a new camera this weekend, that means I can take pics of stuff again, that is a positive thing. And tomorrow I'm getting a haircut which is going to make me feel a couple notches up too, you know how lovely spending time with your stylist is! She makes me feel good at least :D

I am going to take things one day at a time I guess. Tonight I will sew, listen to some music and draw if I have time. I really need to get some paintbrushes too. Maybe tomorrow before my hair cut.

I hope things are well with everyone!

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